TOXIC BACHELOR
(excerpt from mag.co.uk)
THE ONLY BODY ISSUE STUART HOOD HAS IS CHOOSING THE ONE HE FANCIES TONIGHT
Blonde. Brunette. Tall. Short. Asian. American. Size 6. Size 14. Fiery. Shy. 19. 36. Buxom breasts. Jelly tots on an ironing board.
Something struck me while I was flicking through my love back catalogue. And that something was how little my exes have in common. Admittedly, I have deal breakers (weight limits, nose size, huge tattoos, etc), but aside from these, nothing in my past suggests I have a ‘type'. And, just recently, I seem to be out to prove it.
"I feel like a size 14 tonight," I decided last Saturday. "I'm going for a blonde," I decreed at a recent ball. "Big boobs," was my Royal Ascot diktat.
Sexist? Undoubtedly. Successful? Why, yes, thank you. But I don't want your praise. I want you to appreciate what my actions mean. I want you to understand that, in a man's eyes, there is no such thing as the all-encompassing ‘perfect' body. So I want you to stop messing yourself and your relationships up by trying to get it.
I'm not saying quit exercising, embrace the deep-fat fryer or stop waxing. I'm advising the 37 per cent of you on diets and the two-thirds hankering after surgery to think seriously.
Ask yourself: am I trying to find myself or am I attempting to be someone else? If it's the former, good luck. If it's the latter, pull out while you still can, because your alter ego will not make things any better.
No matter how much make-up you slap on, or how thin you become, you are not, and are never going to be, the celebrity you aspire to be. I know, I've tried. When I was 20, I dyed my hair, bought a couple of vests and mimicked Eminem. I got laughed at, lots, but laid very little (read: never).
Actually, my exes do have one thing in common. They realise that being ‘sexy' isn't about eating one carrot a day, pumping your breasts full of silicone or pining after someone else's look. It's about being comfortable with yours. It's about celebrating – and letting men celebrate – the nuances that make you, you.
Dear Toxic Bachelor
My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, but he never buys me gifts or flowers. It's getting to me — what does it mean?
It means he feels he doesn't have to — a malaise that's both good and bad for your relationship. Good because he doesn't feel guilty about anything. Bad because he feels he no longer has to impress you.
He wooed you and now you're cruising along happily together. Only you're not, are you? It's boring. The spark has gone. Relight the fire. Suggest a dirty weekend.
(excerpt from mag.co.uk)
THE ONLY BODY ISSUE STUART HOOD HAS IS CHOOSING THE ONE HE FANCIES TONIGHT
Blonde. Brunette. Tall. Short. Asian. American. Size 6. Size 14. Fiery. Shy. 19. 36. Buxom breasts. Jelly tots on an ironing board.
Something struck me while I was flicking through my love back catalogue. And that something was how little my exes have in common. Admittedly, I have deal breakers (weight limits, nose size, huge tattoos, etc), but aside from these, nothing in my past suggests I have a ‘type'. And, just recently, I seem to be out to prove it.
"I feel like a size 14 tonight," I decided last Saturday. "I'm going for a blonde," I decreed at a recent ball. "Big boobs," was my Royal Ascot diktat.
Sexist? Undoubtedly. Successful? Why, yes, thank you. But I don't want your praise. I want you to appreciate what my actions mean. I want you to understand that, in a man's eyes, there is no such thing as the all-encompassing ‘perfect' body. So I want you to stop messing yourself and your relationships up by trying to get it.
I'm not saying quit exercising, embrace the deep-fat fryer or stop waxing. I'm advising the 37 per cent of you on diets and the two-thirds hankering after surgery to think seriously.
Ask yourself: am I trying to find myself or am I attempting to be someone else? If it's the former, good luck. If it's the latter, pull out while you still can, because your alter ego will not make things any better.
No matter how much make-up you slap on, or how thin you become, you are not, and are never going to be, the celebrity you aspire to be. I know, I've tried. When I was 20, I dyed my hair, bought a couple of vests and mimicked Eminem. I got laughed at, lots, but laid very little (read: never).
Actually, my exes do have one thing in common. They realise that being ‘sexy' isn't about eating one carrot a day, pumping your breasts full of silicone or pining after someone else's look. It's about being comfortable with yours. It's about celebrating – and letting men celebrate – the nuances that make you, you.
Dear Toxic Bachelor
My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, but he never buys me gifts or flowers. It's getting to me — what does it mean?
It means he feels he doesn't have to — a malaise that's both good and bad for your relationship. Good because he doesn't feel guilty about anything. Bad because he feels he no longer has to impress you.
He wooed you and now you're cruising along happily together. Only you're not, are you? It's boring. The spark has gone. Relight the fire. Suggest a dirty weekend.
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